Since I was young, people always told me that I was wise beyond my years. Either that or they told me I was a 30-year-old trapped in a teenagers body. But that's not the point.
The point is that lately I've been feeling like I must be wise beyond my years. I have a patient and he is dying. He will probably die tomorrow or the next day. He is young; he has young children and a wife; he has a terrible disease; and he is in pain.
There are things worse than death and this man is living those things. His body is failing him but his mind is intact. He knows he is dying. He has accepted it. His wife has not. She grips to every fiber holding out hope that he will survive. But he won't and he knows that and he is ready to die.
I can't imagine being his wife. I can't imagine a doctor coming to me and asking me if I was ready to let my husband go. If I had brought our children to see their father one last time. I can't imagine....
But I have to imagine that. We all have to imagine that. Because you have to know what you would do in that situation. Have you talked to your spouse or your parents about a living will? Do you know what they would want. You have to do that; you have to know. You have to do it so that you can make those decisions for your loved one when they can't make them for themselves.
I was talking to this patient's nurse today. She lost her husband to cancer when he was 40. He was a nurse as well. She told me about the day before he died - they had a party. He joked with his friends and they celebrated his life. He was pain-free and at home. Had she not known her husband's wishes, how might he have died? Alone? On a ventilator? Without saying goodbye to his family?
If you have never asked your spouse or your parents what they would want in a situation like that, you need to. Do they want a feeding tube? Do they want a tube in their neck if they stop breathing? Do they want someone crushing their chest with CPR?
When I was talking to my patient's nurse she asked me how old I was. I told her and she was shocked. "When I was younger, I thought we were all invincible." "You are wise beyond your years to know that is not the case."
Please, go visit a hospital. If your spouse has never been to the emergency room or intensive care, take them. Show them what it is like. And then tell them what you would want them to do if you were ever the patient.
