In a Funk

I'm in a f-u-n-k. I need a vacation - big time. I don't know if it's work or home or a combination of both, but lately I've been feeling pretty pathetic. Now, remember, this blog is for me. So, when I post this list - a list of why I'm feeling pathetic at this particular moment - don't freak out and call my husband or parents. I'm fine - just in a funk.

1. I feel like a crummy wife.
2. I'm crabby a lot of the time.
3. I let little things bother me.
4. I have an amazing husband who takes such good care of me and sometimes I treat him poorly.
5. I feel like some of my friends put zero effort into our friendships.
6. I feel selfish that I want to make a lot of money.
7. I want kids but am terrified that I will be a crazy parent.
8. I worry about saving money but don't want to make the sacrifices required to really save.
9. I feel like crap when people call me bossy (which I am) and I don't know how to change that.
10. I'm scared about my depression and how that will affect me if/when I get pregnant.
11. I am tired - physically and mentally.
12. Sometimes I don't know why my husband stays with me.
13. I suck at life because I gossip too much.
14. It scares me to think that we might live in CS all our lives.
15. It hurts me to know that my husband isn't always compensated/acknowledged for what he does at work.
16. I hate that I can't leave work at work.
17. I'm pissed that my husband didn't like his birthday present when I thought that he would really appreciate it.
18. I feel like I have to put forth extra effort to smile and I feel fake when I do it.
19. I feel like I can't talk about my depression with my husband because he feels that it is a reflection of my feelings for him.
20. I just want to feel happy.

Now remember, this is a list for me. It just feels better to write it down.